I'm Almost Two Score and Going Insane

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:18:57 GMT

I'm a writer.

I don't write much. I've only published two poems, and that was 15 years ago in college. I haven't completed a thought in written form in over seven years. I'm not a writer by any definition of the term, and yet . . . I am.

I'm a writer because I have a story to tell. No. I have many stories to tell. Stories that play in my mind like a multiplex, without walls. I see them all, at any given time, simultaneously. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry, science fiction, mystery, self-help, technical, cinematic. I see them all, and they're driving me insane.

Literally insane.

I want to scream. I want to walk away from my life and disappear into the populous tapestry of America. I want to go off the grid. I want to curl up in a ball, and hide from everyone and everything.

I want to blow my brains out. I want to die, and make it stop.

I want to be free.

I have no discipline for writing anymore. I'll have to develop that. I hold no mastery of the language like I did. Hopefully that will come back. I don't have the time to write. I'll have to force that.

I'm a writer who doesn't write. Either I can accept that, go insane, and develop my mother's taste for gun metal.

Or I can write.

The Hawke's Nest: Writing

I'm Almost Two Score and Going Insane